and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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