you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
