He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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