I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
As shirtless as possible
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
