I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
