My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
