he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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