Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
