Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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