So drunk, too bad you don't want this
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
