i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
