I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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