I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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