The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
