Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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