you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
