honey bunches of taint.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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