There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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