I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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