I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
