I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
