After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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