You just made me feel so damn special
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
