Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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