Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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