i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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