I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
