i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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