Pants 0. Shit 1.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
