Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
