i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
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SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
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I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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