Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
