dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Less talking, more tequila
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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