I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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