Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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