i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Walk of Shame today included voting.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
