If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
