I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
