Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
