did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
