She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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