My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
