Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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