we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
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