ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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