you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
