i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
