I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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