I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
