you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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