How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
