my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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