my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
