puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
