It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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