What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
