Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
