how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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