So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize