I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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