I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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