I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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