What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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