my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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