So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse