A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
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i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
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I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection