cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
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Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
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Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...