He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
