I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
