They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
