I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
