i permit you to call me
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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