4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
