nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize