Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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