So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
