why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
