So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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