don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It all started with a game of naked twister.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
