Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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